In my private practice at Davidson Yoga Therapy, I often work with younger clients, particularly those aged 6-10, who struggle with sleep and anxiety. Previously, I discussed how families can create more therapeutic moments at home and offered a simple massage practice to alleviate anxiety symptoms in children. Today, let's explore further how you can help everyone in the family get better sleep, worry less, and share more positive experiences.
Understanding the Household as an Emotional Kettle
Children constantly navigate a complex web of interpersonal and social cues, rules, and subtleties. From the intricate dynamics of relationships between household members to the shifting landscapes of extracurricular and social circles, children are often emotionally
charged long before bedtime, or the meltdown that seems to come out of the blue.
When that meltdown occurs, we as parents often see something that needs fixing. It's the child's anxiety, and we look for ways to alleviate it. You might try to talk the child through their worries or bring them to a professional like me to teach coping skills such as breathing techniques or the massage practice I introduced in my last post.
Children, however, are like little antennae. Have you noticed that when you are more stressed, very tired, or detached, your child seems to need you more?
You are in a unique and precious position to steer the family's emotional ship toward calmer seas, and your best effort may begin by doing the work yourself.
Examining Your Own Triggers
One crucial step in this process is taking responsibility for our own triggers. Children are highly perceptive and often mirror the emotional states of their parents. When we manage our own stress and reactions, we create a more stable and calm environment for our children. This stability helps them feel safe and secure, reducing their overall anxiety and improving their sleep.
A trigger is a mechanism that, when pulled, causes the fuel source to explode. When we look more closely at this metaphor, a trigger without ammunition will do nothing. We need to examine that ammunition—that fuel source that life experiences have packed into us.
If you're going to help your child look more deeply at what is fueling their fires, you'll want to gain personal insight by examining your own. After all, their triggers are potentially influenced by yours.
So, how do you go about this process?
I encourage the parents I work with to begin a contemplative practice. When the parent is willing to work separately with me, we develop personalized meditation, prayer, or other forms of contemplation that are meaningful to them. Practices like pranayama and journaling can be very helpful for creating space where insight occurs.
Practice noticing when you are triggered - hooked into some story of your own past, your own fears, and aspirations for the child. This practice alone can easily transform your relationships! And you don't have to psychoanalyze those stories to death. You can simply sit with the vibration of that emotion, experience it fully, and it will be transmuted. It's hard to sit through. It is a worthwhile practice that can burn the seeds of reactivity until they no longer influence you.
Creating Therapeutic Moments at Home
Therapeutic moments are not just about teaching children stress tolerance skills. The child may not use them on their own. If you push the skill on them when they aren't ready or are in a state of distress, it can backfire. They'll get so much more out of these interventions when they receive the side effects of YOU practicing them.
If you find your child is open to these stress management skills, you can both enjoy the cooler waters of home life and potentially avoid the emotional pot boiling over into distress.
Simple Lifestyle Changes for the Whole Family
Breath Monitoring: Become a breath watcher. Like a bird watcher, you're just going about your life and noticing both your own breath sensations and the physical manifestation of your child's breath. If you notice tension or rapid, shallow breathing, say something like, "Hey buddy, it looks like your breathing is kinda shallow. Can I put my hand on your chest for just a minute?" This simple act can create a sweet moment of parallel processing, where you both tune into a calmer state together. You'll both absorb, without words, the physical manifestations of stress and distress. If you can repeat this practice, the subtle lessons of just observing will have a far-reaching impact.
Abhyanga: This is the Ayurvedic practice of self-massage. It's extraordinarily nourishing and creates lovely moments of sweet safety for you and your child. There are videos on how to practice it for yourself when you need some self-care (like, every day for me) and you can massage your children's feet and ankles as a part of a nourishing nighttime routine. You can find special Ayurvedic blends of oil and herbs that sink through the skin and create a womb-like feeling.
Create a Safe Space: Ensure your child has a designated area to retreat and relax. This space should be free from stressors and filled with comforting items like soft pillows, blankets, or favorite toys. Also, encourage your child to choose their own soothing smells and sounds for their space. When you give them an element of control where they might feel they have none, it can be empowering.
Model Healthy Behavior: Children learn by observing. When you practice stress management and self-care, your child will see these behaviors as normal and beneficial. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, and invite your child to join you.
A Cooler, Calmer Family Life
By integrating these practices into your daily routine, you can help your child experience life at cooler temperatures. This proactive approach not only helps manage anxiety but also fosters a more peaceful and positive family environment.
Remember, the goal is not just to provide tools for when problems arise but to create a foundation of emotional stability and resilience. When families practice these techniques together, everyone benefits. Your child will feel more secure, sleep better, and worry less, and you'll find more opportunities for joyful, positive experiences as a family.
At Davidson Yoga Therapy, we are here to support you on this journey. Whether through private sessions or family yoga therapy, we can work together to create a happier, healthier, and more harmonious family life.
Bonus Content
There are so many tools a parent can become proficient with. The most important tool I can offer you today is perspective. Below is a quick informational chart showing the difference between socially engaged, stressed, and distressed and examples of tools you can use to meet your child (or yourself) where they are.
I offer a delightful, self-paced beginner's breathing course on my website to encourage daily contemplative practice.
If you would like more information, or would like to book a discovery call, or appointment, please check out my services page.
About Samantha
Samantha is an ERYT500, Noom Certified Health Coach, CIAYT, and founder of Davidson Yoga Therapy and Health Coaching. She has worked at Atrium, Levine Cancer Institute, and
Sanger Heart Clinic. She has presented for Fortune 500 companies and major Universities, both public and professional audiences, on what this thing called yoga therapy can actually do when it is unpeeled, revealed, and adapted to meet the needs and the abilities of the person doing it.
Samantha brings warm-hearted wisdom and humility to her work, believing the answers you seek are inside you. She has always felt a deep call to honor the role suffering plays as a catalyst to personal metamorphosis.
She aims to empower people from 6 to 99 to trust their inner wisdom, allow new layers of self-compassion to emerge, and achieve positive transformations in their careers, relationships, and overall lives.
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